I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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