we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
