i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
