Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
