I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
