who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
