Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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