Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
