He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
