Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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