i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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