i don't like sucking hair
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize