You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
