well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
