the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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