Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
