Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
