Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize