just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
