i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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