he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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