thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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