she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I bet he comes in French.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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