Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
