I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
