I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
