so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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