dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am one with the molecules
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize