All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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