we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
