I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
third nipple confirmed
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
