HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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