I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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