Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
