i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
