I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
