Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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