How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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