exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize