While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize