i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
