Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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