Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
