the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
