hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We need to get me chipped asap
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
