If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
