it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
