this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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