So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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