jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
