my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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