I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
