you win again, gameday.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
