I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
