those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
