I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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