i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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