you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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