Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
