Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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