i think my tv is drunk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
