So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
