got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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