and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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