I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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